Again I have been particularly tardy becuase there's too much to write, and too few actual *events* to write about. Mostly the last week or three has been a blur of beer and comic books. Really, all I want to talk about here is the strangely low quality of the movie reviews in the onion, but I suspect I'm the only one interested in how they shamelessly plagiarized their movie review for The Crimson Rivers from several other sources, here, here, here, and even here. I mean, really people, is it just me, or does this movie have absolutely nothing to do with Silence of the Lambs except, ummm, they're both about a serial killer and more or less linear? Shame on you, Priggish Onion Guy Who Hates Everything! And gee, comparing the experience of watching the movie with a method of torture from the movie itself. How innovative! You have really outdone yourself, Onion Guy.

Oh wait. I forgot, you weren't interested. Oooof. Well, anyway, this week I've read through the first half of From Hell, five volumes of Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan, watched Crimson Rivers, Audition (a movie praised by the Onion guy for its "deeply repressed sensitivity," whatever that means), and Criminal Lovers, and listened to Husker Du all week, and suffice to say my brain is frying in its fluid by now. Possibly the most disturbing combination of media I can imagine. If I see another homicide on paper or screen I think I'll be forced to join the Hare Krishnas.

I clearly need a job, and it appears I may have found some leads through a friend at Penguin Putnam, which is the good news. Cover letters, I am finding, are Satan incarnate. Lord, please deliver me from having to reiterate in seven separate letters that I'd rather do nothing else in life but serve Gevalia European Coffee Blends to a bunch of overpaid Minivan Liberals.

[Ed.: I would also like to point out the ridiculous similarity between The Onion's review of Criminal Lovers here, and the correponding filmcritic.com review, here. Will wonders never cease? Worst of all, this movie has about as much in common with Hansel and Gretel as it does with Tristan und Isolde, in other words, very little. I swear there's nothing wrong with me.]