OK, so I've been avoiding the issue.

I need to go to grad school and find a career. I can't afford not to. The only way I'm ever going to get a job that will pay my ridiculous debts and keep me from poverty is by somehow wrangling a few extra letters onto the end of my name.

I'm hyperventilating.

I realize this may sound absurd to many. But I'm at a point where I owe so much money- we're talking VERY close to six digits, and accruing interest all the while- in college loans and back medical bills that if I don't get a grad degree, or at the very least a teaching certificate, I won't be able to swing it. My BA just isn't worth that much (well, it is to ME, just not employers.)

So far, I've mentioned English, law, and philosophy. None of these are really viable options. The only one I know I'm good at is English, unfortunately the option that pays the least and provides the most tenuous job prospects on exit. Law is out because I lack the meticulousness and attention span, and honestly, interest, except as a way of getting into government. Philosophy is out because I never took any classes in it, just sorta read alot off the syllabi in college, and besides, it's philosophy. I need to be a little more, not less, pragmatic than I've been up to this point.

I'm seriously thinking about applying to some Government or Public Policy programs. I enjoyed the more political work I did for the union, except that it was the sort of grassrootsy, local government-type stuff that does not a career make, at least not when you're an intern. I hated doing all the canvassing because I felt fake. I don't come from a union background, and didn't really have the credibility. But there are alot of other kinds of political work I'd really love to take part in.

So. Do I take the Foreign Service exam, try to do THAT for a few years? I don't see why- I don't have any objection to working for a living, after all. The Foreign Service is sort of a dead-end job, and doesn't pay that well. I suppose I could try to get a Foreign Service degree- they're out there- and go that route. Thing is, I don't see what good any FS certificate would do me, except putting me in the middle of even more debt. The government doesn't even require a college degree to do FS work, so it's alot of preparation for something you can really just jump into.

All I really know is that I don't really like teaching high school. I enjoyed working in the bookstore alot more, despite the lower pay and being treated like shit by customers. At least THEY read the material.

Representing the US government overseas, though, means allying oneself with so many evil decisions, and I'm not sure I'm ready to become one of Them quite yet.

I guess I could try to swing a copyediting job in the States now that I have a little more experience and subsequently go into journalism. Again, the pay is shit, it's pretty thankless, and surprisingly hard to break into. I can't pay my lenders back on the wages here, though, so staying here is not an option.

*Sigh.* Open to suggestions, rants, advice, or even a swift kick in the ass right about now.